As you may know, I work for Dragonfly Forest, a free camp for kids who have autism. This year, we are presenting at several conferences about campers with autism, and making a typical camp setting more accessible for kids with autism. Here is one of my main points about the difference between a camper with autism and a neurotypical campers.

Self Referencing vs Social Referencing

You and I and other neurotypical people are constantly social-referencing. That means we are using other people’s behavior to guide our own behavior. In a group, we look at other people to see what they are doing. If everyone heads over to look out the window, we sort of want to do that too.

We study each other’s tone of voice and facial expressions closely, and use that information as a social cue for own behavior. In fact, we even mirror other peoples facial expressions when they speak to us (imagine a friend telling you they got some sad news, your mouth will turn down, and your eyes get soft, almost as if you had received the sad news yourself). We ‘instinctively’ know when a class or meeting is almost over because everyone starts rustling their papers and gathering their bags. In contrast, people with autism are often self-referencing, which means they are checking in on themselves, and using their own feelings to guide their behavior instead of using others behavior to guide them.

Examples of social cues (things that you know how to interpret even though no one ever explained them to you):

  • facial expressions
  • body positioning
  • tone of voice

    • Self-referencing (and missing social cues) can lead a camper with autism to

  • have awkward social interactions because they ‘miss the hint’ from other campers.
  • be uninterested in certain activities, regardless how excited the counselors and other campers are
  • appear to ignore cues from counselors about when an activity is becoming too rowdy or when it is time to transition to another activity

    • You can help a camper who is self-referencing by:

  • ‘Scaffolding’ a conversation between two campers by making interpretive comments such as, “Billy seems like he wants to play warriors, too.” or, “I think James is tired of talking about World War II now”.
  • Explaining activities clearly and then providing structured alternative choices if a camper with autism doesn’t want to do them. Don’t be offended if they do not respond to your own excitement.
  • Speaking literally when giving directions or setting expectations. Do not take it personally if your social cues are misinterpreted, or not interpreted. Work to make yourself clear without having to ‘hint’ with your facial expression and body language.